If you are one of the multiple out-of-area code numbers that constantly insist upon calling me, even though you should know by now im never going to answer, press the end button. If you are someone looking to give me a job, press 2. (name) is not available to take your call as of right now.
The number you have reached is currently not in service, but when I wake up and turn my phone back on, it will be!.Leave your name and number and I will return your call…If you are a bill collector, please send me a self-addressed stamped envelope so I can send you my latest bills. You want to know why? Because I’m not here right now. Hello? Oh hey wait a minute I can’t hear you… Sorry, hold on… Nope, still can’t hear you.(Very long pause) Wait! Please don’t hang up! I want to hear what you have to say.If I hear your message and deem you worthy or the title “important,” I will think about calling you back, but for now. I’m just waiting for more important people to call. If you’re not hot and not one of (your name)’s friends, call back when you are. If your one of (your name)’s friends, you may also leave a message at the tone. If you’re a hot chick/guy, you may leave a message at the tone. You have reached the voice mail box of (your name).Thank you for calling Starstripe Mental Hospital, and have a nice day. If you want to sell us something… this number is no longer valid. If you are dying… well that is not our problem and we cannot do anything about it.
If you have short term memory loss and you don’t know who we are or why you called, please press 3 and we will remind you. If you are delusional, please have either you or your monkey press 2and we will connect you to Mothership. If you need to reach a patient, please press 1 and then say their name.